‘Open relationship: I regret getting into it’

I first heard about open relationship when my aunt and her friends were discussing it years ago when she was still living with us. I remember they also called it ‘friends with benefit’ which may either have a happy or sad ending but most times, it does not have a happy ending. I gathered these from what they were saying.

Well, at that time as a teenager, I never thought I would get involved in one, especially at my adult age. I even see ‘in an open relationship’ on some people’s face book status and I just wonder what it involves. But today, I want to tell my story of the so-called open relationship I got into.

My name is Aniette. I was having a serious affair with Patricia, the woman I call ‘my world’ who I practically worship the ground on which she walks because of the love I have for her. Unfortunately, she broke my heart the day she looked at me in the face and said, “Aniette, I don’t love you. I only used you to pass time while waiting for my true love. He is back from the States and we are getting married in three months time. I am so sorry for wasting your time.” I was so devastated. It was all like a dream after almost two years of dating. However, I could not take Patricia off my mind because I loved her so much.

Three days later, as I was driving home, a young lady was walking in a zigzag direction right in the middle of the road lost in thought. I horned for about a minute before she got herself and immediately walked to the side of the road. I sensed that something was wrong with her so I parked and walked up to her, held her by the shoulder and asked, “Young lady what is the matter?” When she turned to look at me, her face was looking awful because tears had smeared her make-up. With a tearful voice she said, “Just leave me alone. Let me just die. How can he break up with me after five years? Where do I start from?” I took her to my car and consoled her. She told me her name was Helen. When she had calmed down, I asked her where she was headed and, surprisingly, she lives at the end of my street. I took her home before heading for home. I promised to check on her the next morning, but I could not.

Two days later, on a Saturday evening, I went to her place and we got talking. We both realised that we had both been disappointed in our relationships. Anyway, Helen and I started spending time together even though we told each other we were not ready for serious relation-ships. I then came up with the idea that we should start an “Open relationship or is it friends with benefits” with no emotions attached and she agreed. So we started with some crappy rules like no sex, no emotional attachment. Since it is open you can date whoever you please and so on. When we first started, we spent hours talking about different issues, watching movies and going on outings and so on. We spent most times in my house; she cooked, cleaned up things and made me happy. Even when I had female friends, she blended well with them and when they teased us, we both said we were just friends and nothing more. As time went on, we both broke some of the crappy rules we had set. But for me, the major rule I broke was that my emotions began to get involved I have fallen in love with Helen. She was everything a man wanted in a woman a wife material.

I was uncertain whether I should tell her about my feelings or not. But I sum-moned courage one Sunday evening and told her how I felt about her. Her response was astonishing but expected. “Helen, what would you say if we make this relationship a closed one?” I asked. “Meaning what?” she asked. “Helen the truth is that I have fallen helplessly in love with you. I have found a friend and wife in you,” I revealed. She laughed vigorously for about a minute and told me, “You in love with me? You are on your own because I don’t love you and I am not ready to love any man. The fact that we sleep together once in a while does not mean I am emotionally at-tached to you right now.”

Before she left, she warned me never to call or visit her at home again. Well, that was the last time we saw. It was painful but I moved on with my life. Four months later, I met and fell in love with Boma. To be sincere, she is not as beautiful and domesticated as Helen but I knew I had to settle down. We have fixed our wedding date and from the blues, Helen appeared at my doorstep two weeks ago. She told me that she had just realised how much she loved and missed me. “Aniette, I just came to tell you that I just realised how much I love and missed you. You are right, let us have a close relationship and later build a family. You are the man of my dreams and I truly love you,” she emphasised. “Helen, I am sorry but it is too late. I am getting married in less than two months,” I said.

She told me I am a big joker. “I will give you three days to think about it and I will be back,” she warned. After three days, she came to meet me in the office and asked me what my answer was. “I am getting married. You walked out on me and I have found someone else. Please look elsewhere for your husband,” I pleaded. She stressed that it is either we continue the relationship and get married or I wait for her to find her own Mr. Right, else she would ‘scatter my wedding’ and make my life miserable.

I have pleaded with her severally to understand and move on with her life but she said the choice is mine. I am in a fix. How do I explain this to Boma? I don’t know what to do. Why did I ever get into an open relationship in the first place?