Monday 23 April 2012

‘Suitors reject me because I have a son’

At age 17, I was impregnated by my secondary school “sweetheart”, Charlie. When I told him about the pregnancy, he bluntly denied me in the presence of my mother. She was so disappointed that when we got home she vowed that I was going to keep the pregnancy no matter what. She, therefore, advised me not even think of committing an abortion. “Clara, you will keep this pregnancy. What we should be thinking of now is how your father will take this shameful news,” she said sharply. I just sat and watched my helpless mother as she got worried and sick on how to break the news to my father that his only daughter was pregnant.

She said to me, “Clara, although you have made a mistake, I believe the baby in your womb is a child of destiny.” When my father got to know about the pregnancy, he was very furious and disappointed. He or-dered me to get out of his house. “You are a disgrace, Clara. I don’t want to see you in this house by nightfall tomorrow,” he warned. But my mother and elder broth-ers calmed him down. They made him to understand that I needed my family now more than ever.

In a tear-laden voice my father said, “I am very disappointed because you are my only daughter and I love you so much. I wanted you to get good, quality education and become a responsible woman in life before starting a family. I am even more disappointed because you are too young to be a mother. However, the most painful is that the father denied the pregnancy.” After much pleading, he promised to show me love and support despite the pregnan-cy. In fact, everyone showered me with so much love, attention and support.

When my baby was born, my father named him Richmond. He was like the last born of the family and everyone loved him so much. Unfortunately, when Rich-mond was two years old my father died and my mother thought it wise that we should move out of the area and start life afresh. We made Richmond believe that he was the baby of the house. Likewise, in the new area we moved to, neighbours as-sumed that too because he calls his grandmother, mother and calls me aunty. Funnily, my mother calls him her last born when people asked her who Richmond was because of the wide age difference compared to her other children. She simply made them understand that she had stopped having children and somehow she conceived him as a miracle child.

Truthfully, anyone who met Richmond for the first time fell in love with him.  He is fun to be with, intelligent and smart. My mother took care of him while I went back to school, completed my secondary and university educa-tion. I am happy today because I am doing well and also taking good care of my mother and son, Richmond.

I love my son so much that before men started ap-proaching me for marriage, I made a vow that I will not marry any man who will not accept and love him. Today, Richmond is 17 years old and I am proud to say I have nev-er had any regrets having him as a son. Instead, he has brought so much joy and happiness not just to my life but the family as a whole. He is such a smart, intelligent, caring and loving young man. But, sometime, I wish I could tell him the truth that I am his real mother.It is also painful to say that since he was 13 years old, I have lost four men who had asked for my hand in marriage because I told them the truth about Richmond. They told me they cannot marry a woman who already has a child. They emphasised that it would have been bet-ter if it was the other way round. Thus, when I realised that by telling any man who wanted to marry me the truth about Richmond makes them take to flee, I decided to hide the true identity of Richmond from the next man even if this decision was killing me.

When I met Ola, I felt on top of the world. Ours, I would say, was love at first sight. The first time Ola met Rich-mond, he abandoned me for hours just playing video games with him. I was not surprised that they got along well. However, I became a bit jealous. Before Ola left my house that evening, he told me he liked my brother so much because of his smartness, intelligence and upbring-ing. I was so excited about what Ola said but I was also scared what his reaction would be when he finds out the truth. I was scared he would disappear like the other men so I decided to keep the secret from him.

I assured myself, “After all, what he does not know will not kill him.” I was happy and satisfied with the fact that he liked my son who incidentally he called my kid broth-er. My mother called me about a month ago and asked, “Clara, have you told Ola the truth about Richmond?” “Mom, how can you ask me this question? Have you for-gotten that the other four men abandoned me when I told them the truth? I am scared he too will do the same if he finds out the truth,” I sobbed. “Clara, the man I have known for the past six months truly loves and cares for you. And remember, he is not other men, he is Ola. He loves and adores Richmond so much, so I am sure if you tell him what happened, he would understand,” she pleaded. “No, mom I can’t. I am sorry,” I said. “Your wedding is getting very close so I advise the time is now. Clara, which will you prefer? Ola finds out now, forgives you and goes ahead with the wedding or marries you, finds out and kicks you out of the marriage? Also remember, you still have to tell Richmond the truth too very soon. I am giving you a week to tell Ola the truth but if you don’t, I will tell him myself,” she threatened.

Three weeks to our wedding and I am still stiff scared to tell Ola the truth. I feel he too would abandon me so I did not tell him. My mother eventually made real her threat. She told Ola the whole story. According to her she wants to save my marriage and also save her grandson from fur-ther rejection. “Mom, what did he say when you told him the truth?” I asked. “He was shocked. He said we all deceived him. He added that even though he loves you without know-ing that Richmond was your son, he cannot marry a woman who is not truthful. He said he was no longer in-terested because he could not marry a woman with a 17-year-old son,” she revealed. I broke down and cried. I told her I was going to leave the house and go somewhere far with Rich-mond. She advised against it.

I went to Ola’s place but I was told by his brother that he travelled. He was not even picking up my calls neither did he reply any of my messages. I know keeping a secret from my would-be husband is wrong but I was scared I didn’t want to lose him because I loved him so much. I felt I should make things right by summoning courage to tell Richmond the truth which I did. He said to me, “Aunty Clara, somehow I had this strong feeling you were my mother because we have this bond and con-nection. But I decided to keep quiet because I knew one day, the truth will come out. Thanks mom for telling me the truth now. I love you,” he hugged me.

A week to our wedding, Ola sent a message to my family that the wedding had been called off. I don’t blame him. I cried until I almost collapsed. Well, my joy is that I have some level of peace now because I have told Richmond the truth. He understood even though I have lost Ola. Richmond looked me straight in the face while I cried and assured me that everything would be alright. “Mom, everything will be fine, Uncle Ola might have gone but your real husband will soon come,” he assured.

I pray Ola will understand my fears. However, it was clear that he would have left me too once he found out. I pray that I will find a man who will truly love me and also love my son, Richmond, because he is a very special child. He means the whole world to me. I will never hide his identity anymore. What have I done wrong? Should I have told Ola the whole truth? Where did I go wrong? Was my mother right in telling Ola? Please advise me.

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