‘I’m haunted by memories of men who gang-raped me’

A lot of young girls and women have been raped at one time or the other. But because of the shame and stigma associated with it, the victims hardly talk about it.
My name is Charity, I still remember that fateful day in the village when I had to go and fetch firewood alone because my best friend Blessing took ill. I was just 12 years then. On my way back, I was raped by one of the notorious boys who had always told me he loved me. I could still remember the pains and anguish of that fateful day.
After the incidence, anywhere I went to in the village, I was identified as that girl that was raped and I also had constant nightmares of being a victim. When the shame was becoming too much, my parents had to arrange for me to leave the village. So, I left for Kaduna to stay with my aunt. There I completed my secondary education, sat for JAMB and gained admission into the university to study law.
Then I was 19 and it was the usual October rush, many boys approached me but I turned them down as my main objective was to face my studies. However, there was this particular boy who refused to let me be. They call him ‘Skull’; I never knew he was the leader of a cult group on campus. He had tried all he could to date me, but I kept giving him a cold shoulder. In fact, one afternoon, I humiliated him because he was pestering me for a chat. While his friends persuaded him to teach me a lesson, he screamed at them to let me go.
‘Skull’ stopped disturbing me, so, I thought it was because of what I did to him until that fateful evening on my way back from a late evening tutorial class alone. I left the class quite early because I was feeling a bit feverish when I ran into ‘Skull’ with four of his friends standing at a dark corner. Immediately they sighted me, they formed a circle around me and threatened to deal with me for humiliating their leader. They seized my bag and books and forced me to go down on my knees. I pleaded for forgiveness but all my pleas fell on deaf ears. One of them then said to me, “You this small girl, you have the guts to humiliate our leader. By the time we are true with you, you will not know what hit you.” While ‘Skull’ wanted them to beat me up, his friends preferred rape, and so I was gang raped by five guys. After the act, they left me there, weak and gasping for breath. How I got to my room, till today only God knows.
I could not tell anybody about it. A month later, I discovered that I was pregnant and had to go for an abortion. ‘Skull’ and his friends always dangled the possibility of another act if I was not careful on campus any time I ran into them. Luckily, they were two years ahead of me and so graduated before me. It was after they left school that I became free to do and go wherever I wanted on campus.
After I graduated, I secured a job in a law firm but unknowingly to me, my boss was more interested in sleeping with me than in the job. One day, I was neck deep into work that I did not realise time was far gone. Someone opened my office door, when I looked up, it was my boss. “I saw your office light still on, so I decided to check on you. What are you still doing? It is almost 8: 30 p.m.,” he told me. I told him I did not know time had gone as I wanted to finish treating a particular file before leaving. The next thing, he grabbed me and threw me to the floor, I could not struggle with him because he was tall and hefty. He raped me after which he promised to increase my salary if I do not tell any one else. Of course, that was my last day in that office.
When I got home, I told myself, “One rape in a life time is bad enough but to go through it thrice was unbearable. If it will happen again, somebody must die for it. I will kill any man who tries it again,” I vowed. I never failed to constantly ask myself why life has been so unfair to me. I decided to put it behind me and make something out of my life.
Today I am happily married to Henry but I am scared of sex and I hardly enjoy it even if I want to. And because of my attitude towards sex, Henry has asked me severally if I have ever been raped but I said no. “How could I tell my husband that I have been raped thrice, one of which was by a gang of five? He will think something is wrong with me,” I told myself.
One evening, when Henry came back from work, he informed me that his cousin Festus will be arriving from London the next day and he would be spending about a month with us. He told me how rough Festus was before he met his wife who turned his life around. He asked me to get the guest room ready for him. The next day, I got home early just to ensure all was set before Henry and Festus get home. While I was still cooking, the door bell rang, I rushed to open it to welcome them, but low and behold who did I see? It was Henry and ‘Skull’.
I had to consciously pretend as if I have never met him before. Henry introduced us to each other and it was obvious he too recognised me but pretended not to have met me. “God, has my past come to haunt and torture me in my own house for a month?” I asked myself. That night I could not sleep as the rape of that night played afresh in my head.
Two days later, Henry told me he has to travel on an official trip for a week. He asked that I take good care of myself and his cousin. That night, I locked my bedroom door. But I noticed that Festus tried opening my door for three consecutive nights without success. Unfortunately, on the fourth night, I went to bed too tired and so I forgot to lock the door.
Festus entered into my room and was tip toeing towards the bed when I woke up all of a sudden. “Do you want to rape me again? Once does not seem to be enough for you. If you touch me, I swear I will kill you,” I threatened him. But boldly, he walked towards me without knowing what awaits him. I did not panic as he came, he did not even notice that I had slipped my hand under my pillow where my kitchen knife was in anticipation of any threat to my life. As he came close, I brought out the knife and told him I will kill him. When he saw that I was serious, he ran out of the room. He never came close to me again. Henry noticed that I was not as cheerful as I used to be and asked me if anything happened while he was away but I lied to him. He just informed me that he will be travelling again in a week’s time to complete his assignment. I know that I cannot stay in the house alone with Festus. What excuse should I give my husband for not wanting to stay with his cousin? Should I open up to him? But what will be his reaction? I don’t want to commit murder.