At 13 I knew I would push and fight for the rights of women - Amy Oyekunle, ED KIND

 At the tender age of 13, Amy Oyekunle, Executive Director of Kudirat Initiative for Democracy (KIND) knew that she wanted to be a voice for women and young girls. The mother of three talks about growing up, her passion and forthcoming elections in this interview with angeladaviesblog.

What was growing up like?

I grew up in a close knit family of five children and my parents. I am the first girl. My father was in the military so we moved around quite a bit. One year we were in this state and next we were in another state. It was a very enjoyable time in the sense that we got to experience different cultures and places. We lived mostly in the North and then Lagos. My father was rarely around but it was fun and nice.

Did moving from one state to another affect you in anyway?

Well, because that is what I grew up into I didn’t know any different. But yes it affected me in a little way because I didn’t really have friends. When you make friends, it turns out that is when you are moving to another state and another school and you have to go through the whole process all over again. We always had to adjust to a new culture, environment and school and it took time. So for me and my brothers and sister, we tended to just take it instead until we got to secondary school when it became more permanent. At that point we were in boarding school so we didn’t have to move.

Any experience you still recall as a growing girl?

I remember one time when we moved from Jaji in Kaduna to Sokoto, we had to attend another command school.  We got to school and of course as usual speak English but discover that they don’t really speak English. Aside that, some girls wanted us to be part of their gang but my brother and I refused so threatened to beat us. In fact every day before we hear the closing bell, my brother and I would have packed our bags and once they ring the bell, we will start running because there was no car to take us home. I remember one particular day; they chased us all the way home. Obviously, we got home breathing heavily and my mother questioned us.  We didn’t want to tell her all we had been facing in the hands of those girls because she is very territorial about her children. But that day, we had to open up to her. The next day, my mother went to the school breathing fire and brimstone, she read the riot acts to the teachers but I know she meant it in good fate. But after that nobody threatened us again.

Vices are said to be quite common in barracks. Did they affect you while growing up?

Barracks is a government unto itself. And maybe because most of the time my father was in high ranking position, we were opportune not to experience a lot of the negative features of the barracks. But there were many stories of young girls my age in the barracks that were either abused, started sexual intercourse pretty early maybe due to pressure or no authority figure, unwanted pregnancy and many women having more children that they could cater for. They were all those things that came into play, but I think most importantly was sometimes the unruliness of the military officials especially the soldiers. When they were on duty, they behave themselves beautifully but when they are not, it was something else, they will drink and become unruly.  However, as I grew older, I noticed it even more. But like I said, we had the umbrella of the fact that my father was a senior officer in the military so we were shielded quite a bit, but we still saw the amount of suffering that many of the women and young girls went through.

Looking back will you say you regret growing up in the barracks?

No, I would not say that at all. I have learnt early in life that you don’t regret anything. No matter what you go through, you make the best of the situation. I think the fact that I was exposed to that kind of life made me appreciative of certain things. I don’t take certain things for granted. So living in the barracks has made me have the best of both worlds so to speak. A regimented life but I can see it from another side.

Will you say that inspired you into activism especially being a voice for women who are violated?

I would say yes, it had a very strong influence in where I am today and what I have become. Like I said, I grew up to see many negative elements and my questioning quite frankly even at a very young age was how these women can be helped. Also, I ask myself why women occupy few limited positions in the military and not key positions. I also saw the power many military men had over their wives and what not. So it guided me so to speak, it formed in my mind that when I grow up, I want to push and fight for the rights of women. Then, I used to call it the ‘emancipation of women’. I believed that women should be able to speak when they want to speak even at a very early age. I remember the first time somebody asked me what it was I wanted to be, I told the person that I have always had this idea that I would have a camp or a facility where women can come to and be helped. I think I was 13 years old then and he looked at me and said, “Wow! You are going to be a very staunch advocate for women.” Then I didn’t understand what it meant. I think my early days formed what I am doing now.

What were the lessons you learnt from your dad?

My dad died last year. But what I learnt from him was his hardworking nature. My father never took anything for granted and he didn’t believe in laziness. He didn’t encourage laziness and he rewarded hardwork. Also, he encouraged his children to be anything they wanted to be. I also learnt from him that it is important to stand for what you believe in.

Is the 35 per cent affirmative action given to women in politics sufficient to make the voices of women heard?

Thirty-five per cent affirmative action is what women were pushing for and it is the acceptable number as given by international organisations of which Nigeria is also a signatory to. But at the moment in Nigeria, we don’t have 35 per cent. What we have is less than eight per cent. In fact it is six per cent of currently women representation in elected positions. In appointive positions, it might be slightly higher.

Countries like South Africa and Rwanda are already hitting 50 per cent. In many of the political parties, they don’t even have 15 per cent of women representation.

But is it achievable?

No, not with the current structure we have in place. Thirty-five per cent is the acceptable standard and currently in many parties we have less few women being fielded as contestants. Many women lost even before they got to their primaries and that already have withered out a certain number. If you currently have a party that is fielding maybe only 11 per cent of women as contestants for elections, remember this is elective positions and by the time we get to the polls, it might reduce. So, you might end up having less than the six per cent that we currently have. So, already the statistics is not adding up. So, what will happen is that by the time the elections are over, they will now be left with appointive positions because already women are losing out in elective positions and that has already limited the numbers. Since the 2007 and 2011 elections, many organisations have been pushing for appointive positions for women and I am happy to say that KIND was one of the organisations.

What we want is for political parties to want women candidates not to make up the numbers but to actually win elections. So, it is not achievable because this current structure doesn’t have it.

Do you intend to go into active politics later?

It is not so much as politics per say but more of leadership. My take is that politics is one way to be in leadership position, but there are many other ways you can be in leadership position. I would like to be in a position where I can give back to my people because I’m from the Niger Delta but married to Yoruba man so either which way, I wouldn’t mind an opportunity to serve. So maybe I will, but I don’t know yet.

Now that the elections are close, what is KIND doing to mobilise women to come and exercise their right?

In 2007 and 2011 elections, KIND as an organisation identified, trained and builds a capacity of young women to become interested in politics as political aspirants, media to be able to report, cover and support women as political aspirants. But this, we said since Nigerians are more in tune with the elections and want to come out and vote, we will just monitor and observe elections. So, this year we are working with other organisations to observe elections in 10 states and KIND is the state coordinator for Lagos State. We will be deploying about 30 women to go and monitor election with a gender lens. That means looking at things holistically in terms of whether there were gender-based violence targeted at women whether as aspirants or voter. People think election is just to come out and vote but it is a process. They say statistics shows that women are more in terms of voters but that is debateable. So, we will be looking at all that to better enable us to prepare for 2019.

Being into full activism, obviously you would travel a lot. But how do you balance the home front and work?

I wish I could say that I do balance. In the early years of my career, I didn’t balance at all. In those days, I had help, I have a very supportive husband who wishes me well and want my career to flourish and he is also very hands-on with my children. My mother-in-law and mother are always there when I need them.

But as time went on, I had to prioritise. So, now I can say I balance a little bit better because now I know that I can’t take work home. It is a conscious effort I make not to take work home. When I get home, I spend time with my children and that is when I have to de-stress myself. Sometimes, my phone is on silent and I spend the whole day watching cartoons and television shows. I learnt last year that one of the things that affect many women activists in developing world is burn out. We take on everything and we burn out so fast and we are of no use to our families, communities and ourselves. Now and only now can I say I am balanced but it is a continuous work in progress.

What do you do at your leisure?

I love to read a lot, cook and travel too. So, sometimes when I have trips lined up, I have to enjoy it because I enjoy going to different places. Right now how I unwind is, when I do have to travel, I make the best of that opportunity, but when I don’t, I’m with my family playing games, or reading. But I’m working on being sportier.

What values drive you in life?

I think the most important values that drive me is integrity. The second value that pushes me is hard work. There is nowhere that you work hard in an honest manner that you will not be rewarded. It is a principle of life. The third I think is justice, in terms of doing what is right.

How can women prevent gender based violence?

Well, you must look at it in different context. Preventing violence is something that needs a political will at the state level. When I say at the state level, there must be laws and policies in place. So, once those laws are in place, then, you are one step closer to preventing violence. It is not enough to say we have domestic violence law and there is no action. So law is one thing and implementation is another. At all levels, there must be those laws. At the implementation level, there must be agencies that carry through and implement these laws. To prevent gender-based violence, I think the most important thing is accepting the fact that you are a human being first of all, you have rights, feelings and blood flowing in your vein. When you know that, you will not allow yourself to be ping-pong or bag for somebody to batter.

When you have a sense of self-worth, it will propel you to say enough when you are abused and look for help which could be at the church, community or state level. And in the past, many people stopped at the church level but today, there are different organisations you can go to. Today more women are waking up to the realisation that they don’t have to be killed in their matrimonial homes. Sometimes, what the man need is counselling to bring him to his senses. But a culture of silence is what aggravates gender-based violence. So, until we all come to the realisation that I need to be my sister or brother keeper, we won’t get there, so that is the problem with gender-based violence. But I should also stress that genderbased violence does not necessarily affect only women, men too experience violence in the hands of women. But like I tell people until we have a situation whereby they start coming forward to speak we cannot help them. Many men don’t come out to speak because culture tells you that you are to be a man.

Even if you go and report to the police that a woman abused you, they will laugh at you. So many men suffer in silence, so it is both ways. They should also understand that the law protects both men and women and they need to utilise that. They need to know that there is no gain in keeping quiet. But thank God with an organisation like KIND and other organisations that fight violence against women, there are more women coming forward and there are more structures that are put in place. I am not saying that we are there but we are getting there and people need to know how to use it and tap into it. But quite frankly we are not even half way there.