‘My raped wife is pregnant, what do I do?’

My fiancée, Ego, had three abortions for me, before we finally got married. After the third one, the doctor warned that she should not go through another abortion if we want to have children in future.

Two months after the doctor’s warning, I decided to start making our wedding arrangements because I felt she thought I was going to part ways with her after the doctor’s warning. I proved her wrong. I had to intensify the wedding preparations and this made her so excited.

Three days before the wedding, we travelled to Owerri. The plan was that I will stay in the hotel with a few friends and family members. Instead, we ended up staying in her uncle’s guest house on his insistence. “Talabi, I heard you want to go and stay in a hotel with your people. Is that true?” he asked.

“Yes, sir,” I answered. “I won’t allow you do that. My guest house is big enough to accommodate everyone. So, I insist you stay there with your family and friends. You have already spent so much. This is my own little contribution,” he said. “Thank you sir, I really appreciate this,” I said. Ego was so excited by her uncle’s gesture that she ran and hugged him. He had been like a father to her since her father died when she was just seven years old.

We intended spending two weeks in Ghana for our honeymoon three days after our wedding. The plan was to head back to Abuja the next day, and then travel to Ghana a day after.

The wedding went well as planned and everyone returned home happy and excited, especially Ego. During the reception, she whispered into my ears: “Talabi, thank God we are finally married. I am so excited. At least now when I get pregnant, there would be no more abortion.” I looked at her, smiled and said, “Yes my dear, no more abortion.”

As a result of the preparations and excitement of the wedding, we were so tired after the event and had to retire early to bed after a cold bath. We also boarded a 10.30 a.m. flight to get back to Abuja. However, we chatted for a while before finally falling asleep in each other’s arms in my room.

·         Shortly after our sleep, there was a knock on the door. With sleepy eyes, I looked at the clock. It was 2:40 a.m. Who could it be? I wondered. I thought it was my best man, Jide. “Jide, what do you want, I enquired Please go away I will see you much later.” “Open the door now or you will both die,” the voice snapped. Then I knew there was danger. I quietly woke up my wife. When she too heard the voice, she started shivering. Terror held her in a paralysing grip. I appealed to her to stay calm.  “Honey, I have to open the door. Everything will be fine,” I assured her.

Slowly, I opened the door and behold there were four young men, armed with guns and wearing hood. One of the robbers slapped me and pushed me to the floor. He ordered panic-stricken Ego to join me on the floor. “Where are all the money p you got at your wedding? Bring everything out now,” one of the bandits ordered. My wife quickly got up, went to where the money was and handed it over to him. They also collected the jewelry she wore on the wedding day and my wristwatch, all on the dressing table.

One of them demanded for our wedding rings but the other, stern-looking, said no. He told them it was the symbol of our marriage.  After they had collected all our money and other valuables, the stern-looking bandit said, “It is time for the main thing. Woman, come and lie down on the bed. Husband, you too stand up but you would only look at what I will do to your wife.” This robber raped my wife and ordered me to watch. When I tried to take my face away, the others ordered me to look or they would shoot me. I stood and watched as my wife was helplessly raped without being able to help her. It was a terrible experience. I watch armed robbery scenes on the television but this was a real life situation.

When he was through, they left us. However, before they left, the man who raped Ego told us to have a good life. “Talabi and Ego, have a good life. Our mission here is over.” I could not go close to my wife. I saw pain and anguish written all over her face. She was sweating all over and she could not look at me as she wept bitterly.

We could not tell anyone about the rape although we talked about the robbery aspect. We still travelled to Abuja as planned. I must confess, I could not go close to my wife anymore, I cancelled the honeymoon and I stopped eating her food. I stay out late just to avoid her even when I know what happened was not her fault.

Ego has been sick for some time now and pleaded with me to take her to see the doctor which I did reluctantly.  After running a series of tests, the doctor confirmed that Ego was pregnant.  “Congrats, Ego, you are pregnant. I am happy for you. I know that you people are married now so I don’t want to hear we want an abortion. But you need a lot of rest,” said the doctor.

When the doctor was congratulating Ego, I felt like telling him we wanted an abortion because I was not the father of the bastard she was carrying. Something held me back. When we got home, I told her, “Ego, you must abort this pregnancy because I cannot father the child of a rapist.”  “Talabi, no I will not. Don’t you want me to become a mother? Have you forgotten about the doctor’s warning before we got married? Please let me keep this pregnancy. I will care for the child,” she pleaded.

Right now, we do not see eye to eye at home. I have even threatened to end the marriage. She insists on keeping the pregnancy. Recently, Ego said to me, “Well, if I abort this pregnancy and finally cannot bear children for you, promise me you will not marry another wife or impregnate any woman outside our matrimonial home.” “Well, I cannot promise you that. I am the first son of my family so I must have children,” I told her.  

Ego has vowed to keep the pregnancy. I feel her pains that she wants to become a mother. But what if she cannot get pregnant for me after giving birth to the child of a rapist? I want to be a father too. I love my wife but I also want to be a father. It is a really complicated situation. Should I send her packing or be a father to a bastard? Please advise me.