Can I marry the man my father rejected before his death?

Years ago, I got pregnant for Jimmy, my first and only true love. Jimmy and I attended the same secondary school in Delta State but he was a class ahead of me. Interestingly, he is so handsome and tall that many of the female students had their eyes on him while he loved me alone. Two years later, after I completed my secondary education, I got pregnant.

When I discovered and informed him about the pregnancy, he did not deny responsibility for it. He told me he loved me so much and will love to marry me but that I should bear in mind that he had nothing. However, he believed that the future will be a bright one for us and our children. “Helen, I know we are still very young and I have nothing to offer you now but I believe the future is bright for us. I am ready to meet your family with my people so that I can pay your dowry. I love you very much,” he had said.

 As expected, it was my mother who first noticed that I was pregnant. “Helen, don’t lie to me, are you pregnant?” she asked. Tearfully, I replied, “Yes mama.” “Who is responsible for the pregnancy,” she questioned. “Mama, it is Jimmy. You don’t know him and he has never been to our house,” I explained. “Did he accept the pregnancy or not?” she asked. “Mama, he accepted it and he is even ready to marry me,” I assured her. “Helen, I wanted you to have a proper wedding as my only daughter. But if this is how God wants it, so shall it be. We need to inform your father before he hears it from outside,” she emphasised.

My dear mother had to strategise on the best time to tell my father the ‘bitter truth’. Two days later, after dinner, she broke the news to him. “Papa Helen, there is something important I have to tell you,” she said. “What is that,” he asked. “Please don’t take it too hard. Hmmm … it is just that Helen is pregnant,” she said. “I hope it is not my daughter Helen you are talking about?” he asked. “She is the one my husband,” she clarified. “Abomination! Who did this to her? She is just 18 years old. What does she know about men?” he retorted. “Your mother said you are pregnant. Is this true?” he asked. Yes daddy, I said.

He asked me where Jimmy was from and who his father was. I told him the little I knew about Jimmy and his family. “You cannot marry that young boy,” he declared. “But daddy you have not even met him so why just conclude,” I asked. “He defiled you before the right time; that is just the secondary reason. The primary reason I will never tell you or your mother,” he stated. After much persuasion from my mother, he insisted that I invite Jimmy over to the house even though his mind was made up.

 I informed Jimmy. Three days later, he came to see my parents. “Thank you for not denying the pregnancy but the truth is that you cannot marry my daughter. I will not allow you marry her. However, I will not stop you from seeing your child after he/she is born.” “But sir please can you tell me why I cannot marry your daughter? I love her so much,” asked Jimmy. “First, you defiled her before the set time. There is another important reason but I will not tell you or anybody. Just have it in your head that you can never marry my daughter. That will be over my dead body,” he stressed. “The same goes for you my daughter and it is final”, he declared. Jimmy’s parents also got involved but my father stood his ground. In fact, at a point, Jimmy had to ask his father if he had ever met or had any problems with my dad. That was when I knew that there was actually more than met the eyes.

 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, and Jimmy named her Patience. For so many years, we pleaded with my father to give us his blessings so that we would live together as a family but he did not go back on his words. Patience lived and grew up with me in my parents’ house. They loved her so much and so they helped in her training and upbringing, especially when I started my Secretarial studies training.

After I had got a good job, I moved out of my parents’ house with my daughter. Jimmy performed his responsibilities as her father and he adored her so much. He called her ‘My Princess’. He made so many efforts so that we could be together, raise our daughter and possibly have more children but I kept reminding him of what my dad said. However, when Patience was six years old, Jimmy had to marry another woman.

As for me, although I had many suitors yet they all wanted to do nothing with my daughter. I, however, vowed that I would not have anything to do with any man who would not accept my daughter.

As Patience grew older, Jimmy wanted her to stay with him permanently but I refused. Apart from the fact that the house will be too lonely for me, I didn’t want any woman maltreating my daughter and I thank God he understood. We however agreed that he was very free to come and see his daughter whenever he liked. In addition, she could start spending weekends and holidays with him.

It is unfortunate to say that for 12 years Jimmy’s wife could not bear him a child and he consoled himself with our daughter, Patience. His wife finally left him. He refused to remarry, although I have never been married.

My father died three years ago, three days after Patience turned 21. A year after his death, Jimmy brought up the issue of marriage again. One Saturday evening, after bringing home Patience from an outing, he insisted that we had something important to talk about. “Helen, we have something important to talk about,” he emphasised. “What could that be Jim?” I asked. “I am still interested in marrying you,” he restated. “Please can we forget about this issue? I don’t want to talk about it, not now and not forever,” I pleaded. For two years now, Jimmy has not given me any breathing space and my daughter, now 23 years old, is not helping matters at all. She wants me to marry her father so that we can live happily as a family. I have tried to explain why I cannot marry her father. She has refused to understand.