Can I marry the man who killed my mother because he is now born-again?

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I met Brother Eugene in church about two years ago and we became friends. In fact, we are in the ushering team together. Somehow, we got close. I guess it is because we are both quiet but outspoken especially when we go for our ushering meeting.

 Eugene is every woman’s kind of man. He takes spiritual matters very seriously and that made me like him the more. He is also understanding and caring. After church service one Sunday morning, he told me he needed to talk to me about something important. “Sister Patience, please I will like to talk to you if you are less busy. It is very important please,” he said. “No problem, Brother Eugene, just give me a few minutes,” I pleaded.

I was wondering what he had to tell me. “I think I have a faint idea of what Eugene wants to say,” I murmured to myself. When I was through with what I was doing, I called on him and the talk began.  “Sister Patience, we have been friends but I want us to be more than just friends. I want you to go and pray about it,” he said. “Well, I knew this was what you were going to say but I think you approached it from the wrong angle. I will advise you to go to the marriage counsellors first,” I advised.

I guess he understood my point and promised to see the marriage counsellors during the midweek service. Two weeks later, I was called by the marriage counsellors, they asked me to go and pray because a brother had indicated interest in me. I told them I knew it was Brother Eugene and I liked him too so there was no need to waste time. “Well, I know that it is Brother Eugene. I like him too so if there is anything we need to do to start our wedding preparations, let’s get started,” I said. They were stunned but at least I spoke my mind. They told me they would get back to us. Anyway, in no time the church gave us the go-ahead and he proposed formally in the church which I joyfully accepted. Courtship started immediately. It is funny but true that we don’t know where each of us lived. Whenever we need to meet and talk about anything, we will fix it for service days. This we did to avoid fornication. We promised each other that the only day we would know each other’s house is when we would introduce ourselves to both families.

Anyway since we have agreed to get married, he took me home and introduced me to his family. They welcomed and treated me well. So, it was my turn to formally introduce him to my family and everyone looked forward to meeting Eugene. But something strange happened the day he got into my compound. I noticed that immediately he entered into our compound, he was very uncomfortable and fidgety. “Eugene, what is the matter? Is there any problem?” I asked. “Nothing is the problem. You know I am meeting your family for the first time, so I am feeling a bit uneasy,” he revealed. I told him my family is nice, so he has nothing to worry about. Immediately we entered into the living room, it was written all over him that he was troubled about something. I became a bit apprehensive about the way he was acting. However, I was told my father had to rush out to catch up with an important meeting. So, he left a message that Eugene should re-visit the next weekend. Immediately I told him of the latest development. He said he was leaving. Eugene left in a hurry as if something was after him. After he had left, he never bothered to call nor even pick my calls anymore. He avoided me in church too and that bothered me a lot. “What could be wrong?” I asked myself.

When this continued, I had to tell one of the marriage counsellors who promised that she would talk to him and get back to me.  A week later, I was summoned to the marriage committee after Sunday church service. When I got there, Eugene was also there and I wondered what he had to say to me. Then, he opened the can of worms.

 He went on his knees and said, “Sister Patience, I have a confession to make. After my confession if you still want to marry me fine, but if not I will understand. I was the one that shot and killed your mother seven years ago. That was why I felt very unease the day we went to your place. Getting to the front of your compound brought back the memory of that night and I knew that nemesis had caught up with me. I gave my life to God about six months later,” he confessed.

I was so traumatized that the man I intended to marry was not only a former armed robber but he also killed my mother. That was the saddest day in our family. This was how it all happened that fateful night. We were all in the living room at about 9:00 p.m. listening to the network news when we heard a knock on the door. We thought it was my uncle so I rushed to open the door, only to see three heavily armed masked men who ordered me into the house.

At first, everyone was told to lie on the floor.  Later, they asked my mother and younger sister to get up and lead them into the room. “Get up two of you. Go and bring all the jewelry and money in this house,” said one of the men. One of them followed them inside while the other two robbers stayed with us in the sitting room to ensure that we were quiet.

About 10 minutes later, we heard an argument between the robber and my mom. “We have given you everything we have so why do you want to rape my daughter. Before you rape her, you would have to kill me first!” she insisted. The next thing we heard was a gunshot and he stormed out of the room and maintained that they leave immediately. By the time we got to the room, my mother was lying dead in the pool of her own blood. She was shot in the head.

“God, this horror is what my family has tried so hard to put behind them. So, it was you? Armed robber, murderer, criminal, you killed my mother and now you say you are born-again. May God punish you, killer! You killed my mother because she would not allow you rape my 14-year-old sister,” I screamed. They tried to calm me down but I ran out and immediately left for home. When I got home, I gathered my family members and told them about Eugene. “It was him that killed mummy, it was Eugene. He confessed today,” I said. “Are you sure, Patience?” asked my father.

Now my family wants justice. Yes, I love Eugene and I am a born-again Christian but can I forgive and marry the man who killed my mother? I love him but it is difficult because I will hate him for the rest of my life. What do I even tell our children? That your father killed your grandma? I am in a fix right now?